Mother's Day for the Motherless

Tomorrow is Mother's day in the UK. Tomorrow is the 16th Mother's day I have lived through since my mum died when I was just 12 years old. Tomorrow is also exactly one month since the anniversary of my mum dying. Tomorrow is the hardest day of the year for me.

We used to make such a fuss of Mum on Mother's day. Made her breakfast in bed and gifts and cards.

If only I knew, if only that little girl knew she would only have such a short amount of time with her Mum the best person in the world, her hero. If only I knew I would have hugged her tighter and longer every time. I would have thought hard about everything I wanted to know from my mum and asked all the questions. I would have treasured every moment so that I had more memories now. I would have kept a diary to remind me of all the special moments we shared. So many regrets of the old me, the little girl that was foolish to believe her mum wasn't going to die.

This mothers day is a bit different to usual with isolation going on. But I hope everyone will still take the time to tell their mum how much they mean to them. Give her a big hug or a virtual one if social isolation means you can't in real life. I hope everyone who still has a good mum knows how lucky they are.

Mothers day without a mum (and not being a mum myself), makes me feel like I don't belong in this world. Like there is something wrong with me and I don't fit in here. I don't have a place here. This world isn't for people like me. I am no longer a daughter but not a mum myself. I have no place on this day.

My mum left me after a 2 year fight with leukaemia. She fought so hard but it wasn't enough. She left me a little 12 year old just starting secondary school. She left me with a father who should never have had children. Who didn't have a single paternal bone in his body. She left me and life was never the same again.

On this day I feel so alone and I have no one to speak to. Any of my friends I believe should be spending time with their mum and making the day special for her. Not talking to me. I get support from social media usually but scrolling through that I am met by smiling happy faces of daughters with their mums. Or heartfelt posts of how much your mum means to you. On this day I have no place in this world.

Please do post to social media how much you love your mum but please think of me. As you are writing a post you can click to see who can see it, whether its public or private, you can set it to"friends except..." and type in my name. You can still post for your mum but spare a thought for your motherless friends who are hurting enough today without another reminder of their pain.

So if you are lucky enough to have a good mum still around in your life. Hold her tight let her know how much you love her. And remember how lucky you are to have her.