Unmasked and where do I belong?

Sometimes my brain just thinks in kind of poetry. Not the best, not perfect counted out lines. But lines, rhymes and rhythm. It's strange it's always been there. I've started trying to capture them when they happen to record my thoughts and quirky brains ways of thinking. 

Two pieces that are linked in a way that I have done recently. Unmasked me is struggling to find where I belong in this world. 

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For 30 years I wore a mask,
So firmly pressed against me skin,
Even I didn't know it wasn't the real me,
That it was hiding within.
For 30 years I hid in shame,
For 30 years I studied others and worked to be the same,
For 30 years if it slipped slightly,
I would pick it up and make sure it was on more tightly.

It is no wonder then with life's battles and traumas,
My mental health suffered and I drifted further.
Into a darkness that I couldn't control,
Into a pit of horrors deep in my soul.

"I think you're autistic, you don't have to wear that mask,
Be the real you its okay" it's such a hard task!
When you don't know you're wearing it how can you take it off?
Scared to discover what lies underneath.
Be brave, be you that's all you can do,
Don't be afraid to let the authentic you shine through.

Slowly but surely I grew and I grew, Into the autistic person I always was,
Just me not pretending to be you.
The relief and the comfort of not fighting my quirks,
My mental health so much better it really works.

Others still wear their mask, Others still want to hide,
But I can't put that back on, it doesn't fit now besides.
One day you will feel safe to be the real you too,
One day you will discover its okay to be your truth.

I am the true me, quirks and all,
I am happier and healthier since I let that mask fall.

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Where do I belong? Where is my place to call home?

Too "mental" to fit in with the autistic community,

Too autistic to fit in with my peers with BPD.

Too high functioning to fit in with some, not functioning enough for others.

Unable to work because of the way this debilitates me, but I "don't look sick" I look able.

Too articulate and chatty to be taken seriously, when I'm overwhelmed and completely nonverbal.

Not this or that,

Not anything really,

Neither here nor there,

Just nowhere.

Do I have a place in this world that I do belong?

I haven't found it yet, where is my home?